Rebbe Nachman once spoke about
shiduchim (marriage matches). He said that each
person has many zivugim (intended marriage
partners). However, there are all kinds of levels and variations, involving many deep concepts.
The very discussions people have about possible
introductions and matches, even if the proposed
match is never finalized, are themselves accounted
as a certain level of shiduch.
Sometimes people sitting in their homes suggest that a certain man might be suitable for a certain woman — and with
this, the match this man had to make with this
particular woman is over.
Sometimes, dates and
engagements are discussed but the match never
materializes. This is a greater level of shiduch and
zivug, more so than the previous instance.
There are times when the couple themselves, or
their families, meet. Then, just as the arrangements
are being finalized, they split up for some reason…
There are many other levels of shiduch and zivug
which never materialize, yet all are considered
a person’s zivug. For each person has several
People often spend years of their lives meeting
person after person, in search of the “perfect”
match. Time after time they find someone who they
think is nearly perfect, only to find some little flaw
that leads them to break off the relationship and
carry on searching. If only people would realize
that in any match the two partners are, necessarily,
“opposites.” Each one is bound to have ideas and
views that at some time in life goes against the
grain of the other.
—The Shadchan’s Chair, Breslov Research Institute